Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Solitude ....
Some seek solace in you
Some take you as a vicious trap
Some try to repel you
Some just calmly rest on your lap...
May be you help to introspect and respect the past
May be you help to reflect and fathom how long I shall last...
You keep me puzzled
Of your place in my life
Whether you drive me away from vivacity
Or help me cope with strife...
Shall I befriend you for always being by my side
Or shall I deny your existence masking it with a Cheerful Tide
The tide of joy and of hope of always having some1 for you, by you
The tide that makes me believe myself and and welcome a beginning new
Oh how I fear that this tide is a foe in disguise
Which will take me away from you in to the depths of the ocean of dreams
Dreams that make me believe I am here for some1 and some1s there for me
No, I can no more go ahead with this fake reality
So truth, thou shall help me see
Show me the beauty of self, the strength of conscience
Help me combat darkness with this strength and give my life yet another chance
Saturday, December 8, 2007
Spouse at work place
Understanding the Concept of Work-Spouse:
Married/unmarried, we all know or at least have some idea of the (conventional) kind of relationship shared between a husband and wife. The roles, duties, what 1 should expect and what not from one's spouse are quite fixed in societal norms. The general belief which comes along with is that one shares one's home with one's spouse. So defining the term spouse we could say that a spouse is a person (conventionally of opposite sex) whom one is married to, and also most of the times lives along with. Someone with whom you share not just your bed but also other significant things of your life like joy, sorrow, success, failure etc. May be your best friend or confidante.
What would you then call a person whom you share a similar kind of relationship on emotional basis at workplace but are not married to? A lexically accepted term come up for this relationship is work-spouse which in the 1st instance may sound to a lay-man as if a term used to refer to your spouse if both share the same work place. But a work-spouse conversely is a person who is just your colleague but not like just any other colleague to you.
There was a period when in western countries the role of a secretary was broadened to cover many other areas (no nasty thoughts please :) ) like payment of bills, some household chores etc; other than the usual official work. Secretaries would then be looked at as work-wives.
Today however, this concept is extended beyond work-wives and the superior-subordinate relationship. On the contrary work-spouses in today's age tend to share the same posts at work-places. The nature and similarity of roles makes them face similar kind of situations, understand each other limitations, pressures etc at work thereby creating a special kind of bond.
Many people have spouses employed in completely different professions as theirs or not employed at all. In such cases, your spouse may or may not be able to empathize with you. At such times a companion at work-place can be a good vent to the pent of tensions, to share views, gossips, official likes and dislikes etc.
Setting limits:
Where do you draw a line in such a relationship which is subject to societal speculations and is based on the foundation of quicksand? The accepted scope of this relationship is purely platonic. When there are no "other" expectations from this relation, the real spouses are aware of it and even comfortable with the presence of work-spouses is when one can say alls well; but how long? The physical desires cannot be always tamed and make a person vulnerable to many external elements, emotional proximity being one.
And Finally:
Being practical, professional and constantly aware of one's moral boundaries, especially one's commitment towards the real spouse, are the key-strengths which can make both the relations (marriage and work-marriage) co-exist in harmony. Love is precious. Nurture and use it with utmost care. Dont lose it falling prey to myopic temptations.
Understanding the Concept of Work-Spouse:Married/unmarried, we all know or at least have some idea of the (conventional) kind of relationship shared between a husband and wife. The roles, duties, what 1 should expect and what not from one's spouse are quite fixed in societal norms. The general belief which comes along with is that one shares one's home with one's spouse. So defining the term spouse we could say that a spouse is a person (conventionally of opposite sex) whom one is married to, and also most of the times lives along with. Someone with whom you share not just your bed but also other significant things of your life like joy, sorrow, success, failure etc. May be your best friend or confidante.
What would you then call a person whom you share a similar kind of relationship on emotional basis at workplace but are not married to? A lexically accepted term come up for this relationship is work-spouse which in the 1st instance may sound to a lay-man as if a term used to refer to your spouse if both share the same work place. But a work-spouse conversely is a person who is just your colleague but not like just any other colleague to you.
There was a period when in western countries the role of a secretary was broadened to cover many other areas (no nasty thoughts please :) ) like payment of bills, some household chores etc; other than the usual official work. Secretaries would then be looked at as work-wives.
Today however, this concept is extended beyond work-wives and the superior-subordinate relationship. On the contrary work-spouses in today's age tend to share the same posts at work-places. The nature and similarity of roles makes them face similar kind of situations, understand each other limitations, pressures etc at work thereby creating a special kind of bond.
Many people have spouses employed in completely different professions as theirs or not employed at all. In such cases, your spouse may or may not be able to empathize with you. At such times a companion at work-place can be a good vent to the pent of tensions, to share views, gossips, official likes and dislikes etc.
Setting limits:
Where do you draw a line in such a relationship which is subject to societal speculations and is based on the foundation of quicksand? The accepted scope of this relationship is purely platonic. When there are no "other" expectations from this relation, the real spouses are aware of it and even comfortable with the presence of work-spouses is when one can say alls well; but how long? The physical desires cannot be always tamed and make a person vulnerable to many external elements, emotional proximity being one.
And Finally:
Being practical, professional and constantly aware of one's moral boundaries, especially one's commitment towards the real spouse, are the key-strengths which can make both the relations (marriage and work-marriage) co-exist in harmony. Love is precious. Nurture and use it with utmost care. Dont lose it falling prey to myopic temptations.
Married/unmarried, we all know or atleast have some idea of the (conventional) kind of relationship shared between a husband and wife. The roles, duties, what 1 should expect and what not from one's spouse are quite fixed in societal norms. The general belief which comes alongwith is that one shares one's home with one's spouse. So defining the term spouse we could say that a spouse is a person (conventionally of opposite sex) whom one is married to, and also most of the times lives along with. Someone with whom you share not just your bed but also other significant things of your life like joy, sorrow, success, failure etc. May be your best friend or confidante.
What would you then call a person whom you share a similar kind of relationship on emotional basis at workplace but are not married to? A lexically accepted term come up for this relationship is work-spouse which in the 1st instance may sound to a lay-man as if a term used to refer to your spouse if both share the same work place. But a work-spouse conversely is a person who is just your colleague but not like just any other colleague to you.
There was a period when in western countries the role of a secretary was broadened to cover many other areas (no nasty thoughts please :) ) like payment of bills, some household chores etc; other than the usual official work. Secretaries would then be looked at as work-wives.
Today however, this concept is extended beyond work-wives and the superior-subordinate relationship. On the contrary work-spouses in today's age tend to share the same posts at work-places. The nature and similarity of roles makes them face similar kind of situations, understand each other limitations, pressures etc at work thereby creating a special kind of bond.
Many people have spouses employed in completely different professions as theirs or not employed at all. In such cases, your spouse may or may not be able to empathize with you. At such times a companion at work-place can be a good vent to the pent of tensions, to share views, gossips, official likes and dislikes etc.
Setting limits:
Where do you draw a line in such a relationship which is subject to societal speculations and is based on the foundation of quicksand? The accepted scope of this relationship is purely platonic. When there are no "other" expectations from this relation, the real spouses are aware of it and even comfortable with the presence of work-spouses is when one can say alls well; but how long? The physical desires cannot be always tamed and make a person vulnerable to many external elements, emotional proximity being one.
And Finally:
Being practical, professional and constantly aware of one's moral boundaries, especially one's commitment towards the real spouse, are the key-strengths which can make both the relations (marriage and work-marriage) co-exist in harmony. Love is precious. Nurture and use it with utmost care. Dont lose it falling prey to myopic temptations.
Friday, November 9, 2007
N-Timing...
After a good and reflective response from the readers of previous post (regarding CP) the next step in exploring the area of multiple relationships, this time parallely (unlike sequential process in CP) is trying to have a look at n-timing. N-timing to make things simple is the art(?) to manage 'n' partners (where n>=1) at the same time with or without of the partners involved having the knowledge of each other's existence. We will have a look at cases of n-timings which would differ on the basis of class/age/stage in life etc etc.
(Please note that the cases explored are personal views of the author and no stereotype/generalised opinion meant at any segment is intended.)
A Socialite's urge : The social life of a person which has some effect on the relationship-status is in turn dependent on the Class of the person. An avid party-goer (refered to as party-animal), people surrounded by many interesting people of opposite (not necessarily always) gender as a part of their profession may get this terrible urge to seek warmth in non-permissible zones (assuming that they are currently exploring a zone which in this case means they are already into steady relationship).
Time to have fun: Personally I have quite a few examples of acquaintances belonging to the Age-Group of 16 - 25 who deliberately (and not due to some emotional/social need) get into the juggling (thats what n-timing seems to me like) business, just for the sake to have fun. Some of these are with the notion that this is the time and age to have "fun" and once committed/married (whichever happens 1st) there would hardly remain any scope to dare to bare. This category also has persons with mentality of making a pick on the basis of "Trial n Error" that is they want to try/explore all the available options before finally deciing which 1 to go with.
Different names at different times: The phenomenon of being invloved with more than 1 partners simultaneously is looked at differently or refered with different names as per the different stages of one's life-cycle. Say a happy-go lucky bachelor having multiple girl-friends would be looked at as a cool Casanova whereas a married man involved elsewhere would be refered to as infidel induging in EMAs i.e Extra Marital Affairs (the same people who are quite okay with the bachelor casanova may look down upon the person straying in marriage.)
Gender biases: The perpective of the society towards n-timers can be biased (which is in most of the cases) on the basis of the person invloved. Just as mentioned above the casanova image of a young and happening bachelor. Such a guy is refered to by his friends as a stud and just imagine the same thing when done by a girl. Say a girl going around with more than 1 guys would be looked up to as a slut. These biases make the area of n-timing not so welcoming for females (assuming that 1 is seriously looking forward to multiple relationships as an area of adventure/challenge which I would be coming to subsequently.)
Why is this an art? One can look at the practice of n-timing as an art which is not so simple to cultivate and practice especialy in cases where none of the partners are aware of each other. A married person in an EMA with a young girl without her knowing of his marital-status and ofcourse oblivious to his wife (similar case applicable in case of a married woman) is a case with high risk and high stakes (again depending on the liabilities in the marriage.)
This becomes an even classic form of art when the partners involved are familiar with each other but unaware of their common partner cheating them. One of my friends very proudly flaunts this venture of his past wherein he was going around with 3 girls at a time with al 3 of them being close friends and he was able to "manage" these 3 relationships quite succesfully for a considerable amount of time. Now how would 1 look at this as in is it the guy's smartnes or the girls' foolishness is purely subjective.
Advantages: Variety adding spice to life; in times when 1 door closes u always have the other door/doors to knock on to; enables 1 to develop the skill of time-management.
Disadvantages: Unhealthy when 1 of the many relationships is based on the foundation of strong trust/commitment; could be fatal if "not played safely".
Well if we look at the concept of n-timing as juggling then it may seem to be entertaining only till the point when the juggler is able to well-manage all the balls but once he loses hold of even 1 then the spilt balls may not just spoil the whole game but can even end up hurting people.
(Please note that the cases explored are personal views of the author and no stereotype/generalised opinion meant at any segment is intended.)
A Socialite's urge : The social life of a person which has some effect on the relationship-status is in turn dependent on the Class of the person. An avid party-goer (refered to as party-animal), people surrounded by many interesting people of opposite (not necessarily always) gender as a part of their profession may get this terrible urge to seek warmth in non-permissible zones (assuming that they are currently exploring a zone which in this case means they are already into steady relationship).
Time to have fun: Personally I have quite a few examples of acquaintances belonging to the Age-Group of 16 - 25 who deliberately (and not due to some emotional/social need) get into the juggling (thats what n-timing seems to me like) business, just for the sake to have fun. Some of these are with the notion that this is the time and age to have "fun" and once committed/married (whichever happens 1st) there would hardly remain any scope to dare to bare. This category also has persons with mentality of making a pick on the basis of "Trial n Error" that is they want to try/explore all the available options before finally deciing which 1 to go with.
Different names at different times: The phenomenon of being invloved with more than 1 partners simultaneously is looked at differently or refered with different names as per the different stages of one's life-cycle. Say a happy-go lucky bachelor having multiple girl-friends would be looked at as a cool Casanova whereas a married man involved elsewhere would be refered to as infidel induging in EMAs i.e Extra Marital Affairs (the same people who are quite okay with the bachelor casanova may look down upon the person straying in marriage.)
Gender biases: The perpective of the society towards n-timers can be biased (which is in most of the cases) on the basis of the person invloved. Just as mentioned above the casanova image of a young and happening bachelor. Such a guy is refered to by his friends as a stud and just imagine the same thing when done by a girl. Say a girl going around with more than 1 guys would be looked up to as a slut. These biases make the area of n-timing not so welcoming for females (assuming that 1 is seriously looking forward to multiple relationships as an area of adventure/challenge which I would be coming to subsequently.)
Why is this an art? One can look at the practice of n-timing as an art which is not so simple to cultivate and practice especialy in cases where none of the partners are aware of each other. A married person in an EMA with a young girl without her knowing of his marital-status and ofcourse oblivious to his wife (similar case applicable in case of a married woman) is a case with high risk and high stakes (again depending on the liabilities in the marriage.)
This becomes an even classic form of art when the partners involved are familiar with each other but unaware of their common partner cheating them. One of my friends very proudly flaunts this venture of his past wherein he was going around with 3 girls at a time with al 3 of them being close friends and he was able to "manage" these 3 relationships quite succesfully for a considerable amount of time. Now how would 1 look at this as in is it the guy's smartnes or the girls' foolishness is purely subjective.
Advantages: Variety adding spice to life; in times when 1 door closes u always have the other door/doors to knock on to; enables 1 to develop the skill of time-management.
Disadvantages: Unhealthy when 1 of the many relationships is based on the foundation of strong trust/commitment; could be fatal if "not played safely".
Well if we look at the concept of n-timing as juggling then it may seem to be entertaining only till the point when the juggler is able to well-manage all the balls but once he loses hold of even 1 then the spilt balls may not just spoil the whole game but can even end up hurting people.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Changing Partners!!
Fond of dance and music, I have always enjoyed the concept of 'Changing Partner' practice when on dancing onto fast and peppy music. There are many such souls on the dance floor eager to get to dance with a much better (dance) partner irrespective of their own dancing capabilities (needless to say not all are in a want of a different partner owing to the dancing-skills of that person...some have a separate set of factors as well).
Have seen some people go absolutely crazy and get into a different style or mood altogether with every new partner they dance with. The ease with which 1 changes ones dance partner and the enthusiasm with which the new partner is welcomed in dance is a spectator's feed.What wonders me is that many people are capable of showing the same ease, zeal when it comes to changing partners in personal relationships. Lately it has so happened in case a couple of my acquaintances that when I was on the verge of getting the true rumor of say Miss A going out with Mr B, I discovered that the 2 parted months back and A is now happy mingling with C whereas B has merrily settled with D. With the rising pace of life the speed at which people are "moving on" and the exponential rise in the number of such movers is indeed astounding.
The change is so well accepted that every single memory (or 1 can say proof) of the existence of the "past" is wiped off and replaced with the new-arrival. The wallpaper on lappy, cell-phone, face of the orkut-album etc etc. Some even go many steps ahead to the extent of changing their dwelling. Thinking about the mentality which lies behind this CP (Changing Partner) syndrome: is it need for constant change?, lack of adaptability?, desire to experiment?...the list would go on and on. But above all people with this syndrome possess 1 quality which is worth picking (again, this attribute being qualified as quality is completely subjective) which is the capability of Delete and Refresh. So very mechanic but done within the boundaries of a human-being. Only if this task of getting over one's past over a desirably short period of time and welcoming a new tomorrow would have been as simple to all as the CP practitioners make it seem, the silence of many heartbreaks wouldnt have been so hard-hitting to the ears.
CP is a sequential process and hence lacks adventure in comparison to n-timing (2 or 3 or say n timing your 1st partner).Managing more than 1 relationships all in harmony is a challenging task and exhibits appreciable amount of managerial skills. So the next food for thought(?) would be a tribute to such jugglers.
Have seen some people go absolutely crazy and get into a different style or mood altogether with every new partner they dance with. The ease with which 1 changes ones dance partner and the enthusiasm with which the new partner is welcomed in dance is a spectator's feed.What wonders me is that many people are capable of showing the same ease, zeal when it comes to changing partners in personal relationships. Lately it has so happened in case a couple of my acquaintances that when I was on the verge of getting the true rumor of say Miss A going out with Mr B, I discovered that the 2 parted months back and A is now happy mingling with C whereas B has merrily settled with D. With the rising pace of life the speed at which people are "moving on" and the exponential rise in the number of such movers is indeed astounding.
The change is so well accepted that every single memory (or 1 can say proof) of the existence of the "past" is wiped off and replaced with the new-arrival. The wallpaper on lappy, cell-phone, face of the orkut-album etc etc. Some even go many steps ahead to the extent of changing their dwelling. Thinking about the mentality which lies behind this CP (Changing Partner) syndrome: is it need for constant change?, lack of adaptability?, desire to experiment?...the list would go on and on. But above all people with this syndrome possess 1 quality which is worth picking (again, this attribute being qualified as quality is completely subjective) which is the capability of Delete and Refresh. So very mechanic but done within the boundaries of a human-being. Only if this task of getting over one's past over a desirably short period of time and welcoming a new tomorrow would have been as simple to all as the CP practitioners make it seem, the silence of many heartbreaks wouldnt have been so hard-hitting to the ears.
CP is a sequential process and hence lacks adventure in comparison to n-timing (2 or 3 or say n timing your 1st partner).Managing more than 1 relationships all in harmony is a challenging task and exhibits appreciable amount of managerial skills. So the next food for thought(?) would be a tribute to such jugglers.
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