Touch …

Your warmth, your compassion, what was it that made my endless cries silent into peaceful dreams
The only means to tender laughter from my restless screams

The first time you held my fingers when your arms meant the world to me
The gentle kisses on my forehead that brought in my eyes the eternal glee

Oh now I don’t cry, neither do I scream
But still I seek your supportive pat which can make me believe in my dream
“Go Dada Go”, your confident whispers which were pre-requisites for me to ace in every race
Then you found “him” and left us all for viewing this world through “his” eye
The unstoppable droplets of moisture in your eyes, like a million twinkling stars in sky

And then you came back with a peck on my cheeks
And held in your loving arms your wandering, silly meek
My days began with your soft fingers in my hair and ended with your silken whispers in my ears
Oh how I still long for those golden years

Before I could realize you stood there
Like a tiny little hare
Pulling my trousers with your delicate fingers and asking me to guide
To overcame the scare of approaching tide
I knew you would again soon leave me chasing “him”
Yet again turning glittering world dim

Today I am an old, shrunk pine
But holding your wrinkled fingers in my hand
I know that my bed to eternal journey will be venerated by you no lesser than a shrine

Oh Lord, Thank Thee for sending “Her” in every form in every aspect of my life
Comforting, Relaxing, Loving, Caring and strengthening me in all my strife

End of an eventful decade !!!

For me Yr 2009 was not just end of 1 calendar yr but it kept boggling in my mind that it also brought to end 1 whole decade ...

I kept thinking of all the experiences, journey till date, people and places encountered, memories gathered from 1999

1 realization was the feeling of entering late 20's and going away from the "so called" youth demographics ...

Milestone of adding yet another degree, end of phase-2 of a wonderful student life (:sigh) ...

Learning of umpteen number of marriages and (unfortunately) missing most of them ...

Getting dreaded with warnings, signs & symbols and buck of tension passed on to from family with constant reminders saying "Now ur turn" ...

Facing and rising with great courage, hope, optimism, falana+thikana from so far the worst economic hit ...

Getting to enter the world of glam & glitter and all those "oh so petty and unworthy to publicise" kinda Tv appearances ....

So on and so forth ... However, more than all of the above obvious experiences a more subtle yet intense, profound experience was that of rediscovering myself in a different manner ....

A year making me open up more, making me more accepting of people around me and even more of myself, my desires, my inhibitions, to face the dreaded taboos with a feeling of confident liberty of "make my way" ...

Towards end of this year I could sense myself slowly and steadily getting transformed into a more calmer, hopeful, focussed, decisive, confident and confidante person ... I cud sense a drastic personality metamorphosis (with signs of it getting evident in fact from end of 2008 itself) ...

This feeling of being so comfortable in my skin and doing stuff coz I feel like caring a damn abt the social norms is indeed very soothing ...

No specific evidential references to elucidate the above discourse ... Some of my naughty readers wud have been relieved had I ended this post with an interesting confession on lines of "I dont mind proclaiming to the world tht I m a lesbian" !! but apologies for discouraging you all as my list doesnt have nething on those lines :) ...

In Search of absolute Bliss??

Almost a yr ....

Never really missed this place ...

Dint feel like spending some time in this space

Yes did trod twice or so trying to leave behind some footmarks but cudnt

What made me shun away from my own expressions ??

Guess i was too busy in search on unknown

May be was somehow convinced of a strong and calm person within

But still continued searching the invisible "happiness"

Weary me, swirling me, floating like a breeze, unwilling to settle down, rest a while

Whats it that tempts me change my course so frequently

Whats it that effervesces within me without any reason

Whats it that prevents me from gathering any moss

Guess an unfulfilled, incomplete search for the desperately sought inner calm

Is it Bliss which we all call ??

Is it something associated with being happy in whatever you have?

Is it something related to care a damn about world around you?

Is it something related to complete innocence, indifference, obliviousness?

Ironically, I have been all this while trying to search something which I am not even conceptually aware of !!

P.S: Too much time here at work to manage tasks like introspectn, office mails, catching up with frnds online... Not bad i guess

I, Me and Myself

I: Feels so gud to be independent ... individualistic ... living for myself ... breathing the fresh air ... 

Me: Is this what we always desired for?

I: This sense of liberty and openness is such an exotic feeling to experience !!!

Me: Are we indeed happy?

I: Rediscovering myself was never so fascinating before...

Me: I feel scared as if I am losing you...

I: No obligations; no liabilities; no guilt; no explaination ... I live for myself; for the moment which is mine; for the joy of the time thats in my hand;

Me: But what about relationships, promises, hopes, beliefs, future? 

I: I am because I am ... 

Me: I better be "Us" than Me ...

I: Theres no such thing ...

Me: Hope and Faith thrive within Me ...

I: I don't need to cling onto any unforeseen results ... Rather grab whats in store for me rightaway ...

Me: It may not always be ours ...

I: Not unless its someone else's ... 

Me: Aren't we getting mean?

I: I am just getting "human" becoz I know that I ain't  a SAINT...

Me: Seems we are growing apart ...

I: Thats becoz you don't want to drift along ...

Me: Thought we would always move on together ...

I: But now I wish to fly and you seem to be trimming my wings ...

Me: No just worried, where would this flight lead "You"?

I: There where I would want to land myself coz I control its course ...

Me: Thats your misunderstanding ... As long as you are happy ... Heres Me wishing you a very Good Luck !!!

I: I wish you too accompanied me ... "Me", you are making a mistake ... but I am confident of this journey being an exciting, eventful and joyous experience...

Me: AMEN ... 

साकिन...

कदम उठते क्यों नहीं?
दिल मचलता क्यों नहीं?
साँसें फूलती क्यों नहीं?
दम भरता क्यों नहीं?
जिंदगी तेरे होनेका एहसास क्यों होकर भी है नहीं?

सिमटसी जाती है हर आरजू उभरनेसे पहले यूँ
मिटसी जाती हो हर लकीर जैसे खीचनेसे पहली ही
उम्मीद लव्ज़ क्यों लगता है अंजनासा?
अपनीही ख्वाहिशोसे रिश्ता लगे बेगानासा?

हो रौशनी या हो अँधेरा, है अब परवाह किसे?
इंतज़ार किसी अनदेखे आफ़ताब का अब है कहाँ?

खुश्क आहों का साथ गर रहे यूँ ही,
यह सफर भी कट जाएगा, पलक झपकनेकी देरी है बस...

If Only ...

If only I could tell u how much u mean to me
If only u would sense the love beneath my fury

If only I could get to hold u once
If only u would get to read my mind

If only I could fly like a bird
If only u would capture me in ur heart

If only I could be with u for ever
If only u would let me go never

If only my mornings would begin in your arms
If only my nights full of your dreams never saw the dawn

If only I could tame my thoughts
That don't give up following you

If only !!!

The Familiar Stranger...

Ever wondered how much time and information or knowledge of some person is sufficient enough for us to promote him/her from a Stranger to the level of an acquaintance and then to the pedestal of a friend? An hour, A day, A week, A month; years may be and even a lifetime in certain cases. But has it ever happened to you that you befriend a complete stranger in a matter of few seconds and feel as if you have known this person over years; this is someone who is capable for you to rely upon, depend on, count on? I mean just a matter of some time and you both are no more strangers, not even plain acquaintance but connect to the level of close friends (the definition and concept of which is certainly subjective).


One moment I feel foreign the next a part of you
Now you are my close buddy then a mystique blue

The more I learn the less I know
The bond so profound continues to grow

Is this your innocence or a pull towards your essence
That makes you oh stranger so pleasing to my sense

Seems as though you were always around
But the noises of my mind dint let me hear your sound

Now that I have found you, shall hold you for ever
Late though, still better than never

Read me more, oh stranger
Help me discover more
Hold my hands and take along
On a journey of ecstasy galore